You can’t change your relationships, but you can change how you respond to them.
You can’t change them. I know you want to. I know you think it’s for their own good. I know you see all the possibilities, the hope, and the potential… But my love, it’s not up to you.
I know how badly you yearn for the love you’ve imagined for lifetimes. I get it… You see exactly what needs to happen to make it work hell even make it flourish… But my love, it’s not your journey.
I know you pray every night to ask God to let them simply see the error of their ways. I know you think you have enough love for the both of you. I know you’ve read all the books and attended all the workshops. But my love… it’s not you that needs convincing.
If you are anything like me you’ve probably invested way too much time and energy in relationships that never seem to become the magical fairy tale you’ve wished for. I know you’ve probably tried everything in your power to make it work only to find yourself going in circles.
And I know you truly believe that things would get better if only the other would change. But today I am going to ask you to reflect on another question. A question that asks you to take your love (both for yourself and for the other) to the next level.
Can you love them for who they are and where they are now? Can you truly accept the person in front of you without the possibility or potential?
If you can’t… It’s time to walk away. It’s important to know that the only person you can change is yourself and that no one will or can truly change for another. Change comes from deep desire and commitment to self.
If you can… then it’s time to drop the expectations and find peace and gratitude where you are at. It’s okay to envision the best and highest for all your relationships. But it’s another thing to want to change your partner or ask them to be anything other than what they truly are.
I’ve seen so many relationships fail because of way too high and often uncommunicated expectations. People seem to think that their partners are mind readers and should automatically know what to do and how to do something to meet their partner’s needs. So needs and desires go unmet and resentment builds leading to arguments and uneasy feelings.
Relationships can also break down when one partner begins to grow and change and the other partner stays the same. When the growing partners reaches a new level of knowing and being that’s the only kind of life they can see. They begin to look down on their partner’s stagnant life and want the same change and growth for their partners that occurred within them. So they begin to teach, and nag, and attempt to pull their partner up to their level only to be met with resistance and unwillingness.
These breakdowns can be prevented if we can focus on 3 main things.
Relationship tip #1
Be Your Own Person– Being in a relationship with another person doesn’t mean we possess them and it doesn’t mean we become one with them. It means to healthy and whole individuals come together in their best selves to form a strong bond complementary to each other. When we try to become like our partner or make our partner become like us breakdown occurs.
Relationship tip #2
Communicate– Don’t assume your partner can read your mind or is growing at the same level you are. Plan weekly check-ins to talk about needs, what went well, and what could be improved on in the relationship each week. Set goals together and share your growth openly.
Relationship tip #3
Love Your Partner Where they are- Find gratitude and love for your partner in the present moment. We often see the best in people and fall in love with their potential. That only leads to disappointment. Instead, love your partner for who they are right here and now. Affirm that love through time spent, words of affirmation, or gestures of gratitude.
If you can start focusing on these 3 things and worry more about building yourself up than what your partner is doing for themselves you will continue to grow and thrive in harmony together. Will love respect and healthy communication relationships become unbreakable bonds.